Going through a separation can be tough, but you can do your best to prepare so that the blow is not as harsh. Whether the result is reconciliation or divorce, you’ll be better equipped to deal with whatever happens next.
Marital separation is a major life decision. It’s usually a prelude to divorce, but it could also be the first step toward reconciliation. And, while no one can predict the outcome of separation, you and your spouse should do your best to prepare. Doing so can help minimise any inconveniences in the long run, not to mention the stress and trauma that comes with the unfamiliar territory.
The preparation can be a little challenging, however, especially with the mixed bag of emotions like confusion, resentment, and anger that usually affect all the parties involved. Here are a few tips on how to prepare for separation and make things easier for everyone.
Get Legal Advice
This is one of the first steps that any couple should take when they decide to separate. It’s a good idea to consult an expert, such as family lawyers Perth, to know your and your partner’s rights and responsibilities. Lawyers can also help settle family disputes. At the very least, having impartial third parties like lawyers can help facilitate civil, informed, and organised conversations about sensitive topics.
Think About the Kids
When you’re preparing for a separation (and perhaps eventual divorce), one of the most important things to consider is your children, if you have any. It doesn’t matter if they were conceived while you were together or were children from previous relationships. You have to think of their welfare, especially if they are of vulnerable ages.
One of the most important matters to consider is the children’s emotional wellbeing. Set aside your differences, and don’t drag the children into arguments. Another consideration would be visitation arrangements or access to other family members, like grandparents. As long as there is no threat of domestic violence, it’s best not to prevent loved ones from keeping in touch. Remember that if you go to court, one of the biggest factors that can affect the decision is how you treated the children during the process.
Consider Counseling
Separation can trigger a lot of confusion. In these instances, counseling can help provide some clarity. In particular, you can opt for either reconciliation or separation counseling. The former can help you figure out your feelings and decide if you indeed want to push through with the separation or not. The latter, meanwhile, can help you settle any issues between you and your spouse if you have already decided to separate. You can find Family Relationship Centres in Perth and throughout Australia to help you get started.
Prepare Living Arrangements
In the event of separation, one of the biggest questions is “Who lives where and with whom?” Remember that you can be separated while still living in the same address. If you want to live separately, make sure to establish everyone’s living arrangements, including that of pets. Sometimes, it may not be ideal to stay together if you’re already experiencing a lot of discord. At the same time, you may also not be financially prepared to accommodate two separate residences. Consider all facets. Bring in your lawyers or trusted family members to help you make the decision, if you must.
Secure Important Documents
In the event of separation and divorce, it’s essential to get your family’s documentation in order. These include passports, birth certificates, your marriage certificate, and, if any, prenuptial agreements, wills, and post-mortem instructions. You should also take care of naturalisation documents, change-of-name papers, Medicare cards, and other personal identification documents. Finally, you should also secure bank books, driver’s licenses, mortgage documents or certificates of title, and lease documents. This may not be as urgent if the separation is amiable; however, when one spouse refuses to cooperate, it’s best to gather these documents as early as possible.
Communicate
Keep the communication lines open between you and your spouse when going through a separation. However, refrain from discussing the details on social media and other public platforms. More importantly, take the time to explain to your children what is going on and how it will affect them. If you need some help, talk to family counsellors or ask for help from trusted friends and family. This all boils down to the point mentioned earlier regarding thinking of what’s best for the children.
Don’t Disregard Your Emotions
Remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel a lot of different things like shock, anger, and sadness when dealing with a separation. Don’t disregard your emotions. Rather, talk to friends and family to help sort out your emotions. If you want, you can also enlist the help of counsellors or therapists. They can be helpful, especially if you’re also seeing your children having difficulties in dealing with their emotions.
Going through a separation can be tough, but you can do your best to prepare so that the blow is not as harsh. Whether the result is reconciliation or divorce, you’ll be better equipped to deal with whatever happens next.
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