Sometimes you have to see something in order to believe it. This, for me, was one of those times. I was asked to cover this story and, as I sat pondering the subject matter, thought, “Surely, this can’t be true!” Yet, when I opened the file there it was in all its glory. Uh, that may not have been the best choice of words as you’ll see when we get deeper into this NSFW court transcript on Butt Boys. Come to think of it, that last sentence was probably a poor choice of words, too.
Sometimes you have to see something in order to believe it. This, for me, was one of those times. I was asked to cover this story and, as I sat pondering the subject matter, thought, “Surely, this can’t be true!” Yet, when I opened the file there it was in all its glory. Uh, that may not have been the best choice of words as you’ll see when we get deeper into this NSFW court transcript on Butt Boys, Donkeys and Coffee. Come to think of it, that last sentence was probably a poor choice of words, too.
The transcript covers the pre-trial hearing of one Denver Fenton Allen and his request to fire his public defender. Mr. Allen, it seems, wished to fire his lawyer because “if-if I wanted him to do a good job, I’d have to let him give me oral sex.” [page 3, transcript] While I highly doubt that Mr. Allen’s defense attorney propositioned him thus (after all, there’s always Craigslist), it is quite likely that Mr. Allen just didn’t like this particular attorney. Sadly for him, he has a faulty understanding of the Constitutional right to representation. The State has to provide him an attorney if he can’t provide one himself, but he does not get to handpick said attorney. Upon being told this, things only got stranger.
Before we go any deeper into Mr. Allen’s current predicament, let’s examine his backstory, shall we?
Mr. Allen, then 30, was charged with a fellow inmate’s death in 2015. Allegedly, Mr. Allen killed Stephen Ralph Nalley, age 49, at the Floyd County Jail in Georgia. The apparent cause of death was head trauma. Other than that, Mr. Allen had a habit of being nasty to jail staff and even threatening their lives. That’s pretty much all you need to know about him. Well, that and apparently he is rather well-endowed, possessing a “big old donkey dick,” in his words. [page 9 transcript] It’s an attribute that he is particularly fond of using on “white boys with big butts.” [page 10 transcript]. Note: Mr. Allen is, himself, Caucasian.
Upon learning of his rather limited options for representation and being strongly advised that representing himself would likely lead to a bad outcome [page 6], Mr. Allen launched into a diatribe brought to us by the letter “F.” The following is an excerpt:
As you can probably see by now, Mr. Allen is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Perhaps the biggest one, but certainly not the sharpest one.
The judge, J. Bryant Durham, Jr., made this transcript as disturbingly entertaining as did the defendant. Judges are people, too and I can understand that Mr. Allen truly got under Judge Durham’s skin (though he failed to get under the judge’s robes, another of his goals), but honestly, I had a hard time deciding whose behavior was more shocking.
Upon hearing Mr. Allen’s preferences, the judge said, “Oh, of course. You know, you look like a queer.” [page 10 transcript] Aaaaand we’re off! Judges may be people too and Mr. Allen’s behavior may have been ridiculous, but Judge Durham lost it completely.
Mr. Allen was not amused by the judge’s opinion and requested a court order to get what he allegedly could’ve received from his attorney. Rather than issue court-ordered head, the judge lowered himself to Mr. Allen’s level (behaviorally speaking) and further opined that, “I know all the inmates just love you to death,” and “I’ll bet everybody enjoys sucking your cock.”
Not only is this a gross violation of professional ethics, but it was the wrong thing to say to the orally-fixated Mr. Allen, who then petitioned the judge to do the job himself. Failing judicial lip-service, Mr. Allen was willing to settle for a sidebar up the judge’s “chambers.” [page 12 transcript]
When the judge declined Mr. Allen’s motion for some lotion, things got ugly (didn’t think they could get any worse, did you? Neither did I. Boy, was I wrong!).
Mr. Allen then proceeded, in open court, to threaten to kill the judge’s entire family. [page 15 transcript] Let me repeat that one: In. Open. Court. Mr. Allen threatened to murder a judge’s entire family. Of course, the judge added aggravated assault and making terroristic threats to Mr. Allen’s list of charges. Did this slow our defendant down? Nope. Did you really think it would?
His response, other than to repeat his threats, was to once more refuse to work with his court-appointed attorney because, “That motherfucker asked me to eat his ass for a bag of coffee.”
I’ve heard a great many things in my life, but an attorney offering to pay for a rim job with some Folgers? I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. Thankfully, I wasn’t in the courtroom, otherwise Mr. Allen may have mistaken that for an invitation. As it were, our dauntless and dimwitted defendant didn’t stop there. When Judge Durham pointed out that, “You’re obviously fixated on butts and dicks,” (seriously, Your Honor?), Mr. Allen replied that, “I’m fixated on your mouth.”
Following this oral exchange, during which the two debated the merits of Judge Durham’s mouth and His Honor’s pride in said orifice, Mr. Allen shifted gears again, this time suggesting that he put his allegedly massive stick to a different use and “pull it out and jack on you.” Jaw, meet floor. Floor, jaw.
Hold on to your hats (and don’t drop the soap, either), it gets even better/worse/I’m not even sure anymore.
Judge Durham then invited Mr. Allen to demonstrate and, when Mr. Allen declined due to being cuffed, the judge asked him, “How many hands do you have to have to do it?”
By now, I’m paying the floor rent for all the time my jaw is spending there.
Since the judge refused to have Mr. Allen un-cuffed and Mr. Allen refused to go solo while cuffed (apparently the answer to the judge’s question is “both”), our allegedly well-endowed defendant reverted to death threats, specifically the judge’s children. When Judge Durham pointed out that he did not have any children, Mr. Allen threatened to murder his grandchildren instead. [pages 18-19 transcript].
Shortly after His Honor called Mr. Allen stupid for that last remark (one cannot disagree with the assessment, though again, it was unprofessional), Mr. Allen was led from the courtroom. As previously mentioned, Mr. Allen is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but with his, ahem, extensive experience with all things penis-related, one marvels at his lack of understanding of how one gets grandchildren.
I haven’t seen anything else reported about this epically unbelievable, yet true, story. However, I imagine (unless they’ve removed him from general population) that Mr. Allen is happily awaiting his trial, availing himself of his (alleged) scores of willing donkey aficionados. Further, I imaging that Judge Durham is probably answering some interesting questions regarding his own behavior.
No information was available regarding the current exchange rate for bags of coffee and the rumors of numerous defamation suits being brought by local donkeys were unsubstantiated.
Just when you think you’ve seen it all, eh?
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